Gin the Psychotic Whore

I posted about this earlier under flock (mostly because I am still wary of posting publicly about work in any kind of detail), and I am kind of already worn out with thinking and talking about it, but I got laid off today. My last day at work is 12/15. (thanks again to everyone who's already been so supportive. I really, truly appreciate it, more than I can say.)

I guess I will have lots of time to write and bake holiday cookies.

fleurdeleo took me out for a tasty early dinner and I stuffed myself with nutella and banana crepes, and the food coma made me fairly sanguine. I am sure the real freak out is coming, but right now I am still in the "WTF just happened?" stage.

So my question (the first of many, I'm sure) is, those of you who have given up on having a landline and are only using cell phones, does that work for you? Especially while job hunting? I am trying to think of easy expenses to cut, and that is one of them, as the only reason I have a landline these days is for emergency internet purposes when the cable goes out, and I can give that up to save $40 a month (plus $24 on long distance I never use, and $19 on the back up dialup service I never use).

*

To cheer me up, romanticalgirl wrote me an adorable Frankentim ficlet: Five Finger Discount, which totally nails their season 4 car conversation dynamic. ♥

I did post a story yesterday, because what I really needed to write was a coda to 4.10 featuring girl!Sam. *facepalm* Ah, well, when the going gets tough, I write girl!Sam fic:

Quidquid deliquisti
Supernatural; girl!Sam/Dean; au; spoilers through 4.10; adult; 1,620 words
Sam can't throw stones.

It was much pornier in my head, but it ended up being more about the conversation than the sex. Funny how that happens. I also finally gave in and made a beggars would ride tag, so all the stories that go with that/use that as a background are tagged now. *facepalm* I am still stubbornly refusing to call it a 'verse, or a series. You can read any of the stories as standalones, I think, though possibly they make more sense if you've read the first story, because then you've got all the background I'm working from. I still want to write random casefiles with girl!Sam, too. I don't even know, guys, but I've given up trying to figure it out. It makes me happy.

*

I love the song "Keep Yourself Warm" by Frightened Rabbit (it was playing when I started writing this entry). I feel there is a story to be written in thse lyrics: I'm drunk, I'm drunk / And you're probably on pills / If we've both got the same diseases / It's irrelevant, girl. Possibly a Kara story I will never write. or maybe angsty Max/Alec?

*

The Office ( spoilers )

*

Meanwhile, I went to my manage icons page and saw this: Currently uploaded: 145 out of 195. 195! Woo! I misread the earlier post and thought they were capping it all - permanent account + loyalty icons and everything - at 150, so that was a nice shock. I know what I will be doing at work tomorrow. *snerk*

*

One of the things that I really like about Criminal Minds, as opposed to a lot of other similar shows is ( Spoilery, in general, overall for the series spoilery terms. )

(can you tell how much I'm getting accomplished today? *sighs*)

So Katee Sackhoff was on L&O (original flavor) last night and, though I have KICKED my L&O habit, I was weak and tuned in, because although I don't love Starbuck, I do kind of adore Katee. Heh. She was barely in it at all. But! I got bonus!Clancy Brown, who I actually adore MORE. So that worked out. But that's not what I want to talk about. See, here's the thing. I knew Jeremy Sisto was working on L&O and I WANTED to go back to the trough for him, but I had so many things going on in that time slot already and I just wasn't ready to pick up the rest of the L&O burden for the joys of The Sisto.

BUT. Then I got sucked in last night and OMG. I might be re-addicted. And I HATE Mary/Gary Sue characters, but Sisto's character (Cyrus Lupo--COME ON, NOW!) is kind of AWESOMELY Gary-Sue. He's rumpled and bearded and LOOMING. He worked in Intelligence before becoming a NYC cop! He speaks Chinese! He might potentially know some form of martial arts! He's in his first year of law school alongside his duties as a cop! How are my ovaries supposed to resist that kind of barrage?

*coughs* Ahem.

ION, they are apparently remaking Romancing the Stone? AND They Live? This remaking madness is reaching fever pitch, but I have to confess, I'm intrigued. We all know my sick, sick love of RTS. Between this and the remake of The Last Dragon (starring Samuel L. as Sho'Nuff, no less), I will either be dead of glee or of squick. I'll keep you apprised.

And now. I know I have some Criminal Minds fans out there. From my distant, inexperienced vantage point, it seems like Reid/Morgan is the slash pairing of choice. However. I would really REALLY like some Hotchner/Reid. I might even be willing to short-term rent some pieces of my soul for some Hotch/Reid. Can anyone help a fellow fangirl out?

Fandom: CWRPS
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen, Jared/Jensen
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Slavefic AU. Language. Dark themes.
Disclaimer: This is in no way a true story.
Word Count: 2,804
AN: Previous parts found here. Cast of characters can be found here. Banner by the lovely and generous bloodquartz. And don't forget the other really awesome stories to be found at whatwekeep.

---

( What if I don't want to be free? )

AKB 34: 1,277 words

AKB notes to myself: 377 words

Appetite: 733 words (main document: 46,560/75,000)

Yuletide: 0 *sighs*

Catchallathon: 0 *sighs moar*

Sekrit pinch hit: 0

What's bad: Medical stuff on Monday and again today have kind of kept me sidelined and I haven't gotten much done for the past three days. It's vexing and frustrating, especially since I have so many things I need to get done. I'm FINE; I've just been at the doctor/dentist/specialist a lot in the last couple weeks and I'm sick of it.

I still feel very shaky about my ability to write my Yuletide fic, even after a rewatch of the canon. I mean, I'm sure it'll be fine, but there's not MUCH canon and it's a fandom I've never written, even though I'm perfectly conversant with it. I'm also thinking the POV might be different than I initially thought. Tomorrow is Cleaning Day, so I'm going to flee to Panera and hope I can just bang this out and get it off my plate.

I have vague inklings for my Catchall fic and my SPH fic, where 'inkling' does not equal actual words.

What's good: I'm extremely glad that all my desire to write Appetite didn't die at the moment the calendar ticked over into December. I still love Gabe and Matt as much as I ever have and I'm having pangs about working on anything else. Which is not making this scene go any easier, but we take our silver linings where we can get them.

It feels good to be working on AKB again, though. I feel rusty, but I think I did a really good job breaking where I did and how I did; there was definitely the feel of an act coming to an end when MLP showed up and the mid-month new chapter with Cate and Jeff had just a big enough jump in time (I figure it's been about 3 days at that point) to offset any writing weirdness on my part. I was really torn between filling in those 3 days from Jensen's POV and writing the part immediately following AKB 33, so I think I'm going to cheat a little and have it both ways. We'll see if it works.

Surprisingly, given how much I have NOT been feeling the Sam/Dean, I've had sap-like yearnings to go back to By The Blade or By The Handle, which is both a relief and a pleasure. I really MISS writing Sam and Dean (and Sam/Dean) and re-reading the 3 chapters I've written reminded me of how much I really, really love Heartverse, a period of time when they are past so much of the fraughtness of their current relationship and so happy, despite whatever hardships they face.

What pleases me: "I'm sure I can manage," Jensen says, unfolding the list. There's half a dozen titles with titles like Institutionalized Inhumanity: Bureaucratic Facilitation of Slavery in the Early Modern Period, To Know One's Place: The Effect of Societal Expectations on the Slave Psychological Profile and Performance/Anxiety: Body-slaves and Other Forms of Institutionalized Sexual Sadism.

God, people actually write about this shit? And it's legal?

Pushing Daisies

( spoilers )

Oh, show, I will miss you so much!

I watched Life, then, and I really do enjoy Crews and Reese's partnership, and I kind of love Ted a lot, but they need to get rid of Donal Logue. Also, I need to catch up on all the eps I missed.

And now it's L&O with Katee, and I am fading fast. I was at work late and I didn't sleep well last night, and man, I am totally going to bed when this is over.

***

Guys. Maybe it's just the exhaustion talking*, and maybe I'm highly susceptible to suggestion at the moment, but I'm wondering: do you guys think that self-publishing "The Second Circle" through something like Lulu Press is an option? Not in its current form, obviously: I am NOT gonna self-publish something with the names of Ryan Ross and Spencer Smith attached, thank you, not even under a nom-de-plume.

However, when I've got people who aren't even IN bandom dropping me comments to tell me how much they loved the story, well...that's something to look at, maybe? And I'm NGL, I need the money hella bad. Baby needs a new eye exam and prescription for glasses! And a computer whose battery doesn't fail in half an hour! And a car that isn't patched together from spare parts! And -- well, you get the picture.

But how to go about doing this? As I said, I wouldn't be comfortable self-publishing a story with the actual names of Ryan and Spencer attached -- I don't know if that's libel or legally wonky or anything, but I wouldn't personally be okay with doing that. Obviously it's a little different from other kinds of fanfiction because you're not actually using someone else's universe, but there still might be something that someone could legally take an exception to. Even in the limited space of self-publishing, there's a chance someone might see it when I really don't want them to. Plus I know there are people on my flist who have said they will read anything of mine besides RPS. On the other hand, maybe most of my flist -- and let's face it, you're my primary prospective customer base -- wouldn't be interested in the story unless it was specifically RPS and Bandom? I don't know.

What do you think? Here, let's have a poll!

Poll #2814 To publish or not to publish?
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Would you buy a copy of Second Circle?

*I have been having the weirdest dreams the last few nights. Not proper nightmares, just...weird, bad dreams. I don't know what's going on, I feel pretty much okay when I'm awake. :/

This was so not what I meant to write last night. *facepalm*

Quidquid deliquisti
Supernatural; girl!Sam/Dean; au; spoilers through 4.10; adult; 1,620 words
Sam can't throw stones.

Thanks to mousapelli for listening to my titling woes.

( let he who is without sin cast the first stone )

~*~

Feedback is always welcome.

~*~

I had this awful dream last night where someone on my flist sent me links to go look at a community that was rehabbing and woobiefying the Comedian because he's being played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I threw up a little in my mouth. And then I woke up and was a little queasy at how plausible the dream was.

Night before last, I dreamt I went on a bunch of job interviews. *shudder* On the upside, I was apparently Pam Beesly in the dream, so I got to make out with Jim Halpert.

Speaking of whom, John Krasinski and Zachary Levi need to star in something together. Think of the adorable!

I don't even know. I was hoping to have fic to post, but as always lately, I have distracted myself from writing again.

*goes back to it*

***

I feel like Homer Simpson in that Halloween episode of The Simpsons that spoofed The Shining. Except instead of television, it's the Interwebz that has me going into murderous withdrawal and encroaching insanity.

See, I have satellite internet. Most of the time, it's pretty damn good and it's the only thing that I could get, living where I am. Unfortunately it has two major drawbacks: a) it's an invisible beam going up to a satellite in the sky, so if there's heavy clouds or rain or a tree in the way, service gets interrupted (have I mentioned that I live in OREGON? In the COUNTRYSIDE? With fir trees that reach two hundred feet and a six-month rainy season?); b) I have a monthly download cap that, if I or anyone in my house exceeds, our bandwidth gets chopped in half. They do this to prevent pirating.

So, I missed the Sons of Anarchy season finale and couldn't find it anywhere on the TV schedule on repeat, and chose to download it. Surprise surprise, that put me over the usage cap. So for the next week we're puttering about on lowwwww Internet capabilities.

*fingers her axe* (And that's not a euphemism.)

*****

Another thing I hate about living out here: the way the men in my hometown treat women. Either we're sex objects or we're non-existent. I had this really driven home for me last night when these two regulars came into the pub. They're a married couple who are amicably divorcing, so this was sort of their last night out on the town together before she moved out.

Now, they seem pretty cool and the guy's all right on the (very) relative scale of guys I see around me; but it was amazing to see how she just...disappeared. He started talking to my male coworker and another guy at the bar, and NONE OF THEM referred to her by name. It was "my wife" or "your wife" and shit. Every time she started to say something, one of the guys would talk over her. It wasn't even hostility on their part, it seems like the divorce was totally a case of "your life is going in that direction, mine is over here, I'm sorry, I still love you." They just didn't see her as a human being.

I finally slid down to the end of the bar to chat with her because I felt so bad. She's clearly an awesome person (I heard her taking one of the guys to task for being a homophobe) and turns out to be an artist (she's gonna send me her portfolio so maybe she might be a comic book illustrator for me!), but none of that mattered to any of these guys. They didn't even refer to her by name (AMELIA, MOTHERFUCKERS, HER NAME IS AMELIA, JESUS). It was fucking unbelievable.

*STELE3 SMASH PUNY BAR PATRONS*

The fandom-as-relationship meme, gacked this time from minim_calibre:

(Is this about sources or about fandoms? Because my responses might be different. Um. And I added one, which I mentioned in my comments last time I did this.)

The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it: X-Men Movieverse, I think, even still. Because by the time HP killed off Remus, I'd already moved on. But I can't even enjoy rereading my XMM stuff. I get queasy thinking about it. And I've never even seen X3. I could also put Gilmore Girls here, because wow, I am STILL bitter.

The old flame you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets: HP. Firefly. BtVS/Angel. West Wing. Sports Night. What? I have a lot of fandoms!

The mysterious dark gothy one whom you used to sit up with talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized ze really was fucking crazy: Veronica Mars.

The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved ze doesn't actually live in town: Dark Angel.

The steady: Supernatural. It's not the healthiest relationship, but it's happy-making when it's working, and oh, boy, has it been working this season.

The one you repeatedly cheat on your steady with: Ocean's Eleven. Iron Man.

The one you find yourself too tongue-tied to do anything but stare at adoringly, clinging to hir every word: Battlestar Galactica. I really want to write BSG fic, but all my brain wants to do is go ZOMG KARA IS AWESOME. So.

The alluring stranger whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with: in terms of writing: Bones. I'd like to write Bones, but I just can't get motivated. Mostly because the show is giving me what I want re: Booth/Brennan. I still need to write that SPN crossover, though.

The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't: again in terms of writing: Chuck. I love watching it and talking about it, but I have almost no interest in reading or writing fic for it. Same goes for Pushing Daisies.

The one you think you might marry, but you need to spend some more time together: Friday Night Lights (though again, not necessarily from a writing standpoint) It was rocky last season, but wow, it pulled itself up out of that rough patch beautifully.

The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool peep except it's never really gone anywhere: Life. I just never actually remember it's on.

The one you slept with on the rebound who still smiles at you, yet you have no interest in any more: House.

The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at hir and thinking, "Hir? How the hell did ze land all these cool babes?": SGA

The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom ze keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for hir except you just know it's going to end badly: Heroes. Well. It kind of already has, no?

***

And I know it's not funny, really, but the more I read about the whole Plaxico Burress thing, the more hilarious I find it. He used Harris Smith as his alias in the hospital, and told them he got shot at Applebee's. (source) I can't even... I don't have words for that level of WTFery.

Apparently Mad-Eye Moody was right and you shouldn't shove a loaded gun into your sweatpants: YOU COULD LOSE A BUTTOCK!

***

[eta] From the AWESOME files: ZOMBIE HAIKU:

Zombie Haiku by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.

*dies*

***

Further in the series of fanfic stories that I want, don't want to write and no one will write for me...

I want the Pretty Woman story where Edward follows exactly in his father's footsteps: marries the poor Vivienne and eventually ends up cheating on her and divorcing her for someone richer and more appropriate. I don't really want Vivienne and Edward to end up bitter enemies or anything, I just want something about Edward's inelasticity to change and how he shoots himself in the foot with it and a Vivienne who feels bad for him and did her best to change/help him but in the end, had to go her own way and not be Edward's Pygmalion anymore. And she's okay and Edward's kind of not.

Um. Or something.

My snarry_games pieces Transferis and The Weight of Secrets are both up on my site. I imagine most of the HP folks have already seen them, so I didn't bother reposting here.

blue_soaring wrote a fic follow-up to my Transferis art though, which is just so richly atmospheric it blows me away. I wish she'd write more HP, since one of my very favourite fics of hers is a Snape/Black piece she'd written for merry smutmas a few years ago.

Anyhow, go read (my image is included in the post for the uninitiated!)

Transferis, Snape/Harry, ~3300 words. Post-novels.

I'm regularly working Sat-Mon, which at first left me wondering what to do with my time, but now school is really picking up nearing the end of the semester, so the next four days are going to be pretty packed for me. I have a lot of work to do for my two final projects. I'm happy with my progress on them though, and I have some fun side projects to work on to keep me sane. I'm really happy I've managed so much art lately, since it just plain feels good to be drawing regularly again. As I flailed in my last pic post, I ordered my Cintiq, so that should get to me within the next week. So. Excited.

Weird.... I saw a bald eagle today, flying over the Library and City Hall - low enough that I could see its eyes, so I wasn't mistaking a different bird. You don't see many bald eagles in NW Oregon, let me say. At least not in the middle of the city. Sorta made me wish I believed in, like, signs or something. Though if I had a totem animal, it wouldn't be a bald eagle. ^_^

And now some Supernatural commissioned by Saklani.



( [PG-13] - Supernatural - Sam/Dean - Moonlit [commission] )

Related to this image...I ordered my Cintiq last night. I am going to die with joy when it arrives!

I realize I never posted about last week's Bones. ( spoilers )

Then tonight I watched Pushing Daisies. I am still incredibly SAD that it's been cancelled, because its AWESOME CANNOT BE TEXTUALLY RENDERED. ( spoilers ) I am going to miss the show so much - it kind of hurts to watch knowing there is so little left - but I will be looking forward to the dvds.

And then there was Chuck. ( spoilers )

***

I seriously doubt there are any Harry Potter fans lurking about here, but here, have some fic anyway!

Please ignore my sad lack of a HP icon. Or just think of it as Sam = Harry, in that way where they both will more than likely suffer massive internal haemorrhaging one day due to capslocking. You know what I'm talking about.

The evil twin played around in the Snarry games awhile back, and when I saw her absolutely gorgeous piece of artwork, this happened.

Transferis
Harry Potter. Snape/Harry. R. ~3300 words. Post-novels. Art by the same name drawn by ponderosa121.
Hesitation is a deadly sin. Snape knows this better than most, and still. Still, he pauses.

( Read me. )

Art spam go...

Firstly, some Saiyuki commissioned by white_cross_b, who was infinitely patient with me on this one! I hadn't drawn these two in ages, but oh, I still adore them. ^_^



( [G] - Saiyuki - Hakkai&Gojyo - Comrades in Arms [commission] )

I can't believe it's December already. Wasn't it just February? What the hell happened to this year? I guess that means it's time for the monthly wrap-up.

Top 5 songs - November 2008

5. Handle Bars - the Flobots

4. Dilaudid - the Mountain Goats

3. Devil's Playground - Gram Rabbit

2. Deep Red Bells - Neko Case

1. It's a Shame About Ray - Lemonheads

~*~

Monthly writing round-up – November 2008

Riddle Me This
Supernatural; Dean and Sam; pg; 1,020 words
Sam and Dean meet a sphinx. Hijinks ensue.

I've never been too good with names (but I remember faces)
Supernatural; Sam and Dean; pg; spoilers through 4.08; 8,330 words
Dean's glad that Sam is focusing on the case and not what Dean can't or won't say about what he remembers.

Angel Radio
Supernatural; Dean/Anna; spoilers through the promo for 4.10; adult; 2,545 words
"The world could end tomorrow."

Tale as Old as Time
Supernatural; Dean; g; no spoilers; 1,880 words
"You're the one who's so great with kids, or so you keep telling me."

A Moveable Feast
Supernatural; Mary, John, Dean, Sam; g; 2,675 words
Five Winchester Thanksgivings

Opposition Research
Supernatural; Dean/Bela; adult; 1,080 words
"You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex."

Considering all my bitching about not being able to write, it was a pretty good month. I guess I am just frustrated with a number of my wsip, and also, I keep forgetting to forward myself the catchallathon document so I can work on that. I am pretty happy with these stories, though, especially "I've never been too good with names," which turned out almost exactly like I wanted it to, even though I didn't realize that while I was writing. Thanks again to everyone who's commented. I really appreciate it, more than I can say.

~*~

I also updated unfitforsociety this morning with 22 recs for November 2008:

* 13 Supernatural
* 3 Dark Angel
* 2 Iron Man
* 2 Crossovers
* 1 each Friday Night Lights and Anne of Green Gables

~*~

the "Be Pete Wentz" meme:

1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. The first lines of twenty songs = a poem; the first line of the twenty-first song is the title

( breathe it in and breathe it out )

Huh. That's not half bad. I didn't write down the songs, but I think most of them are obvious. I suppose if I were more ambitious, I'd have uploaded each of them, 'cause it's not a bad mix, either.

It's only Monday. I do not know how I am going to survive this week. Wah.

~*~

Oh my god, you guys, it is SO FUCKING HOT in my apartment right now. I am sitting here in my underwear with the window open, but the heat is still banging in the pipes. If I disappear, it's probably because I've been broiled to death. *fans self*

*

I was very happy to see the Giants did not, in fact, need Plaxico Burress to win. Let's hope that keeps up. I still am all WTF? about the whole thing. He literally shot himself in the foot leg. *shakes head* The depths of dumbness required for that are best not plumbed.

*

This week, Katee Sackhoff is on Law & Order. I may actually watch in first run for that. They're actually advertising her like she's a big star or something. I am a little confused.

I've mentioned the Chuck casting spoiler, right? ( casting spoiler ) Now if they would just get Lena Olin to show up as Chuck and Ellie's mom. That would be so BEYOND AWESOME.

*

You guys, I am having trouble writing. I am having plotting issues again. I was rereading some of resonant8's posts on plot, and other stuff about writing I've got in my memories, and I just...I find it really difficult to come up with an external plot that is complicated enough to be interesting, but not needlessly complicated, and something that doesn't rely on Sam and Dean being idiots to work. And obviously that somehow underlines or illustrates something going on with Sam and Dean, which is kind of the whole point, anyway. The plot is just a macguffin, but I'd like it to be one that keeps people reading until the emoporn hits, you know? I recently read something that, well, the whole problem could have been prevented if Sam had just done ten minutes of research, and since it's Sam, not only was it annoying that he didn't do the research if I thought of it, but it was out of character for him to not do it, since, hi, have you met Sam, the walking encyclopedia of weird? But there would have been no story if he had. Or the writer would have had to have come up with a way around the answer research would have given him. And that is the kind of thing I am really really bad at in my own stories (though I can sometimes spot them in other people's).

But I just had a conversation with angelgazing and she made some suggestions, and while it's a lot more complicated now (possibly more complicated than I can handle, as plot and I are unmixy things), I think it's also more interesting and it's got more of a story to hang the emoporn on. It might also take me a really long time to figure out and write, but it's not like I don't have a whole list of other thigns I want to write, too.

In my frustration with that last night, I ended up banging out (no pun intended) some snarky up-against-a-wall Dean/Bela smut:

Opposition Research
Supernatural; Dean/Bela; adult; 1,080 words
"You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex."

Because there's no other way Bela got the hand of glory out of his jacket pocket. And I am still bitter we never got any Dean/Bela angry sex in canon.

*

Seriously, I think I'm melting.

*